The BBWAA announced earlier in the week that no one made it into the Baseball Hall of Fame this year. I was a little relieved after spending two afternoons recording my not so positive thoughts on two podcasts with one of the baseball sites I write for. More than anything, I was thankful that another year went by without adding Curt Schilling and Omar Vizquel to the “prestigious” Hall.
I talked about women feeling the need to constantly compartmentalize their feelings to enjoy sports. I really struggled with this in 2016 as I watched Aroldis Chapman save games for the Cubs, followed by allegations of domestic abuse from Addison Russell. I wondered how I would ever enjoy the game fully while these allegations bought primo retail in my brain. As a person that has both been a victim to abuse and had to sit on a witness stand and put an abusive murderer away, I constantly had this feeling of dread looming. I told myself I would donate to domestic violence organizations as I watched games where guys like the two mentioned (and others around the league) would do anything I would typically cheer for. It might’ve been costly but to me, it was saving myself from my intrusive thoughts and guilt.
Discussing Omar Vizquel put me in a tailspin again, and to know that so many baseball writers (read: middle aged cis white men) not only voted for him, but would write “think pieces” on why they voted for him made me feel like there was no room for me in the baseball world. Oh, you have a lifetime’s worth of trauma due to abuse stemming from seeing it at a very young age to experiencing it yourself in your 20’s? Sorry! This average at best baseball player deserves my vote even if he has abuse allegations so honestly, fuck your feelings! (Thanks, KR!)
I try to be an advocate for domestic violence. I stand my ground and will call out racism and white supremacy. I believe that needs to start within my own race, because white people should absolutely call out their own and condemn and teach. That’s what allyship is all about. So I had no problem calling out those that voted for known racist and insurrection supporter Curt Schilling. I have no problem expressing my thoughts on a known cyberbully/wall supporter/failed country music artist that I’d rather not see on my team this spring. I don’t stand idly by when I see any marginalized group being attacked or insulted. (Looking at you newly retired known homophobe Daniel Murphy.)
With that being said, it’s still hard to sit down and enjoy my favorite sport. Will I stop watching baseball? No. But will I continue to call out the BS women, POC, LGTBQA+ and other people deal with while trying to just watch America’s favorite pastime? Hell yes. Baseball at this point is so deeply ingrained into who I am as a person. I will continue to do the mental gymnastics it takes because everyone should be able to enjoy whatever they want, even if I turn into the Larry David gif in the process.
