I don’t really like hugs. If you’ve hugged me you are either one of my kids, my husband or someone that I love enough to receive a hug from. I know that sounds frigid and you’re probably thinking “her poor kids” or whatever. I hug them. Daily. I remind them that I love them and tell them to have a good day as they leave my car and head towards their school. I cuddle with them on the couch while we watch movies. I tuck them in and give them a hug and a kiss before bed. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t shower them with love and affection.
I won’t say I didn’t grow up with the same because that would be a lie. My family was great at making me feel loved. However, I didn’t have a dad. I had one dad like figure for about seven years that took me in and treated me as his own, but he had two kids of his own. Our bond was not quite the same.
I was always so jealous of my friends that had great relationships with their dads. I pined for someone to help me with my math homework, teach me how to drive a car, take me out for ice cream. Someone to hug when I was scared during a movie. I was even envious when a friend would complain about their dad because I wanted to join in with an anecdote about how my dad was so annoying over the weekend too. I always took an uncle or my grandpa to the father/daughter dances. I subconsciously decided against a reception with dancing while wedding planning because I always felt empty as I watched brides dance with their dads to some cheesy song.
I’m not as bitter anymore. As I said, I had family that stepped in to partially fill the gap from my dad not being around. Then I got a father-in-law that hugged me goodbye, told me stories about growing up and discussed Game of Thrones with me. I felt what I assume is the pain of losing a parent when he passed away earlier this year. I think in a way, that helped soften my heart a bit and appreciate the dads that were always in their children’s lives — especially the good dads.
I didn’t watch the first Presidential debate for many reasons, mostly because I already knew who I was voting for but also to protect my sanity. I caught up on some of the “highlights” the next morning and was alarmed when I read the disparaging comments the President made about Vice President Joe Biden’s sons Hunter and Beau. As many know, Beau was a war hero and died of brain cancer in 2015. His son Hunter was also in the military and was discharged. Hunter has struggled with drug use, another topic the President continued to bring up. As Joe Biden responded, I saw a wonderful dad that cared deeply about his children. “My son, my son, my son — like a lot people, like a lot of people you know at home — had a drug problem,” Biden said. “He’s overtaken it, he’s fixed it, he’s worked on it. And I’m proud of him. I’m proud of my son.” My heart went out to him, the good dad that has suffered with so many losses and was not about to let someone slander his son.
Now we can fast forward to today. I saw someone respond to this person with a very heartfelt story about his own father passing away and how he would do anything for a hug and kiss from his dad one more time. The responses were all kind and full of many people sharing their experiences, and in agreement that they too would do anything to have their dad’s embrace one more time. I thought about how one day, long after Joe has passed on, his son will be thankful for this picture. I bet it will warm his heart when he also reflects on how he wishes he could have his father around for another embrace.
I also looked at this photo like any generic family wedding photo. I often see pictures of parents doing just this to their newly married child. Our wedding photographer captured a precious picture of me kissing my young daughter right after the ceremony ended. She was overjoyed at getting another dad and the happiness we all shared as a family. No one left a negative comment on that picture. No one said it was highly inappropriate for us to share that moment.
So why are we dissing this picture? Are we that void of positivity and emotion these days? Clearly we have yet to normalize male affection and only see dads as strong men that don’t show any emotion. Sure, dads can be stoic. But they are also allowed to love their kids. They should be allowed to hug their kids, photographed or not and share moments like this. Joe clearly loves his kids. Anyone that sees that picture and immediately decides that it is wrong in any way needs to search deep within themselves. As a child without a dad, I just saw a caring man embracing his only remaining son. A son that has struggled with addiction, grief and a lot of his private life under a microscope because of who his dad is. I see a healthy relationship between a father and son. I see every picture of me holding or kissing my children. I see the picture of my husband hugging my son on our wedding day or any other pictures I’ve snuck.
If the worst the current administration can do is highlight Joe Biden as a caring father, then I feel really bad. Time for some emotional growth and therapy. Do better.