I always sleep better when my husband is around, and for some reason, even better in the noisy South Loop Chicago neighborhood. Something about listening to the smokers outside the bar and the traffic mixed with the scent I crave the most puts me to sleep faster than anything else.
For the last few months, I haven’t been so lucky and sleep has been few and far between. I imagine it’s stress from everything that has been thrown my way since the start of 2020. We didn’t have a graceful start and with this pandemic, I feel like every day can be uncertain. Yes, I can see my husband now, but what will happen next week? We can’t plan ahead. We’re good and we stay home, avoiding the general population to avoid catching this awful virus or passing it on. But the uncertainty causes my anxiety to spike.
Over the weekend Billy mentioned he had a sore throat and slept a lot. He even wondered if he should sleep on the couch to not infect me. He’s on the mend after I made a quick trip to Walgreens for medicine and cough drops (quickly disinfected in the driveway). I tried to fall asleep on Saturday but as I watched him sleep, I unfortunately let my mind wander. This virus is taking people our age, so if he had this, what would happen? Aside from the two weeks away from him, what happens if it gets worse?
But as I listened to him breathe in and out, and reminded myself that he didn’t have any other symptoms, I was able to relax.
We’ve been fortunate enough to work from home during this, so I have him around a little bit more lately to help with the kids and keep me company. We’re used to traveling and being alone during the week, so extended stays have been a special treat for our long distance marriage. I’d still love to stop driving three hours and just finally be home with him every night, but it’s just not something we are able to do just yet, so I’ll take my 5 days instead of 2-3.
I always see tweets, posts or listen to others complain about their spouse and how divorce lawyers will be making a ton of money this summer. It really bums me out. I would love to be stuck inside with my husband for two months because then I would know that we are both safe and healthy, and at least half of my worries would melt away. Seeing him honestly brightens my day. Waking up and seeing him first thing in the morning is among one of my favorite things ever, and still is 4.5 years in. Forehead kisses and thank you’s as we load the dishwasher after dinner warms my heart in ways I never thought were possible.
Maybe this isolation will weed out the fragile relationships and marriages. Or maybe everyone will learn to appreciate their spouse a bit more. Like I said, just knowing my husband is safe and healthy, and sometimes sleeping next to me keeps me happy. Hopefully I’ve got another 50 or so years of watching him fall asleep, cooking dinners I know he loves, baking just because, traveling the world and nights in on the couch, mandated or not.
And baseball. I miss baseball with him.
