My insincere apologies for missing the last debate. I was busy meeting Eddie Olczyk and didn’t care enough to go back and re-watch the next day. Who plans debates for Friday nights anyway? Some people have lives. (I’m not one of them – this was just a rare night that I did.)
This debate comes days before the Nevada caucuses (taking place on 2/22). Candidates needed to meet a polling threshold of at least 10% in four DNC-approved polls or 12% in two early state polls. Without needing a certain number of donors anymore, Michael Bloomberg has qualified. He’s funding his own campaign – FYI. Because you know, crooked billionaires run the show. My guy (THIS IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT) Tom Steyer did not qualify. And to the surprise of no one at all after news broke that Andrew Yang fired a ton of people, he has since dropped out of the race. This officially removes any person of color from the debate stage and on your primary ballot — and that’s a shame.
Time to buckle down and listen to my boo, Lester Holt and suffer through Chuck Todd.
Joe Biden: Remember when Joe was the worst Democrat on stage? That was fun. He’s even in on the Bloomberg is over party. Rambling and glitching aside, he surprisingly didn’t have the worst night!
Line of the night: “Mitch McConnell has been the biggest pain in my neck in a long, long time.” SAME.
Closing Statement Rating: B and someone please tell me what the protesters said.
Michael Bloomberg: Can’t wait to watch this racist billionaire completely fail on stage. He targeted black and brown residents with stop-and-frisk and only apologized a week before announcing his intent to run. He is Trump 2.0 and don’t @ me. Also, RELEASE THE NDAS! Because “very few non-disclosure agreements” dealing with women not liking a joke you told is really bad for business. Sexual harassment isn’t a joke.
Line of the night: Pass.
Closing Statement Rating: C
Pete Buttigieg: Required physicals and medical record release for every democratic candidate! – The youngest person on stage. OK, Pete. He is one of those guys that loves to just play Devil’s Advocate for fun. But just to Amy because he feels like she’s the weakest link but he’s going to end up KLOBBERED. Sorry.
Line of the night: “Let’s put forward someone who is actually a democrat.”
Closing Statement Rating: C
Amy Klobuchar: Amy is slowly but surely fizzling out. I’m sad because I’d love to see a woman nominated, but she’s not it. She also thinks that a woman president would stop sexism on the Internet. Because you know, racism clearly stopped during the Obama administration. Big yikes.
Line of the night: “I believe in capitalism. But I also believe in child care. We shouldn’t limit what people can make but create a government that works for all people.”
Closing Statement Rating: A because she called the President heartless and I love it.
Bernie Sanders: I feel for Bernie. Why are they attacking his health? He’s released his medical history yet we’re up here wasting time on it during a debate. I forget that MSNBC seems to hate him.
Line of the night: “What was the result of that poll? Who was winning? Yeah, that’s right, I’m winning that poll.”
Closing Statement Rating: A
Elizabeth Warren: LIZ IS GOING TO RIP BLOOMBERG A NEW ONE – GIRL YES. She is out for blood tonight and wow, I’m living for it. I love her so much. Sorry for the bias but she needs to be the President of the United States.
Line of the night: “I’d like to talk about who we’re running against – a billionaire who calls women fat broads and horse-faced lesbians. No, I’m not talking about Donald Trump. I’m talking about Michael Bloomberg.”
Closing Statement Rating: B
Winner of the debate: Elizabeth Warren. She took no prisoners, showed that she is a true leader that holds everyone accountable, brought up environmental justice and defended Amy when Mayor Pete made a cheap shot. You can try to dim her light but she’s doing nothing but shining. I know everyone will call her angry because misogyny but she’s simply the best on the stage.
Oh, and this meme. If you made this please let me know so I can credit you.
