soulmate [ˈsōl ˌmāt]: a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament
If you had asked me four and a half years ago if I believed in the idea of a soulmate I’d laugh in your face. I was cynical, recently heartbroken, angry and emotionally unavailable. I had a lot to work on regarding myself and had planned to keep my distance from even so much as thinking anyone was attractive. And I did for a while.
I met Billy at a work event and obviously didn’t pursue despite the instant physical attraction to him, his humor and personality. That night was spent picking each other’s cards nearly every round and chatting about my love for Chicago and how I should rename my dog to U.S. Cellular because it was a “superior ballpark.” I left that night hoping to get to know him more as a friend. Yes, friend. Healthy relationships often start with a friendship. But as I started putting more effort into how I looked when I knew he would be around and finding any excuse to walk by and attempt to make eye contact, I realized the idea of only keeping him as a friend was not what I wanted at all.
My head was saying I should go for it and my heart didn’t seem to disagree. So several months down the line after I removed myself from the toxic situation I was in, I awkwardly flirted with him and the rest (once he finally realized that I was flirting because that’s just how bad I am or how oblivious he was, or both) is history. I knew from day one that this was right.
I have grown a lot since then. I’m happy, healthy, strong and I finally know my worth. I refused to ever settle again after my last marriage didn’t work. I worked on myself and found someone that didn’t see me as a challenge or a woman with a ton of baggage. He didn’t even flinch at the idea of dating a mom that lives three hours away. Or (at the time) a Cubs fan. He accepted me as is and loved me anyway. He reminded me to take care of myself and encouraged me to live in the moment. I still put marriage way into the distance and he was fine with it. Maybe 2019 or 2020 I said. But soon I realized I didn’t even want to wait that long so *I* proposed with a blue ring pop on May 6, 2017. I set up all these rules and barriers to protect myself and he made me realize I didn’t need any of that. Though I’ve questioned it a lot when he expresses his love for Jar Jar Binks, cheered for the Patriots and when I asked him to send me pictures of my engagement ring and instead got a picture of the White Sox World Series ring followed by pictures of Jar Jar posing with my actual ring. But what good relationship isn’t two people that are also best friends that love to troll each other constantly?
I look back on the first year of marriage and I’m grateful. Grateful to meet an incredible person that loves me and my children. Accepts my shortcomings and brand of weird, celebrates my successes and encourages me to be myself. He is my best friend, my biggest fan and my soulmate.
Being with him has allowed me to see why it never worked with anyone else. I see my flaws and errors and have worked on myself to be the best partner I can be. We talk through any problem and grow together, not that we have many, but relationships aren’t always picture perfect. We appreciate each other daily and in so many ways. And it can be as simple as him washing the dishes after I cook or sending each other care packages on tough days. It will always take work and I’ll happily put in effort every single day. But ultimately we just listen to each other and do everything we can to make each other happy. I often tell him he brings the sunshine daily and if you know me, you’ve probably heard me talk about him as if he physically does. We both know what we have and how lucky we are. I will always be thankful that all my stars aligned to bring me the kindest, loving and most handsome man.
Love is a beautiful thing when you find the right person. Here’s to hopefully at least 50 more years together. May our years be full of love, happiness, a lot of dogs, White Sox games, attempts to get on the kiss cam again, and long walks to find donuts before ending up at the spot where we got married. Thank you for showing me that I’m capable of love and deserving of every dream you’ve made come true.
