While it might not feel that way just yet, summer is eventually coming to a close and a new season is approaching. Maybe I’m basic but fall has always been my favorite. The crisp leaves, the delightful smells, cooler temperatures, new beginnings and a several holidays approaching. The autumnal equinox provides balance and equality as the first day of fall has equal hours of day and night. That was something I learned as I typed “September wedding” into Pinterest one evening after a date was selected.
I often think about our anniversary because we got married on the first day of fall and it is said to be a day of equals and relationships. The word equal always sticks out because that is what we have always been. He’s built me up to be the strong/take no shit woman that I’ve always been but didn’t view myself as. We’ve allowed each other to be equals, to be our true selves, to be equal parts serious and completely silly. It’s refreshing to have someone that encourages you to go out and do whatever you want to do. And never worrying about what the other person is up to because you trust them. I’ve never had a lot of trust in relationships so this whole trust and equality thing was very new to me.
As the first year of marriage approaches, I’ve taken some time to reflect on it. Our relationship has never really been rocky, but we’ve experienced a lot of rocky moments together. Seeing Billy remain by my side when I felt doors closing, my sanity slipping and things just not falling into the place I wanted them to allowed me to realize that I have a real partner in life. At some moment four years ago, all my stars briefly aligned and brought him to me. I thought I wasn’t ready for a while, but looking back, there couldn’t have been a better time for him to swoop in. He gave me hope and the love I didn’t feel like I deserved at the time. He always has my back even when things aren’t sunshine and rainbows.
What one would probably view as a tough situation (living three hours away from your spouse and sometimes going 2+ weeks without seeing each other) actually allows us to appreciate each other more. He reminds me often to live in the moment and while I can’t wait to be under the same roof one day (for good), I’ve learned through him not to wish time away. We make every moment count even if that moment is sitting next to him on my couch as we plan out what to do that evening and ultimately end up staying in the same spot until we get tired. But when we do get up and do something like a spontaneous drive to an amusement park in Ohio or attempting the “penny date” and ending up in a casino in Shelbyville, or to just grab dinner and walk around the city, we smile and laugh and always make the best of any situation.
Billy is my happy place. My safe place. The person I go to with the happy news and the person I cry to, but also the person that hears about my boring days and random thoughts. He is my favorite person to look at in the morning as I sip my coffee and my favorite person to see right before I turn off the light and close my eyes. He has taught me real (romantic) love and made me believe that maybe two souls are really meant to intertwine. I don’t know where I would be without him, but thankfully he reminds me all the time that he isn’t going anywhere.
I can’t wait to go back to Gino’s and eventually end our night hopefully not getting food poisoning from the South Loop Club just like we did on 9.22.18. And maybe the Sox will win for us this year.
The last (nearly) four years have been incredible and I want about 50 or so more.
