“The baby is born, the mother meets with the doctor. They take care of the baby. They wrap the baby beautifully. Then the doctor and mother determine whether or not they will execute the baby.” – The President of the United States, saying something extremely dangerous and completely untrue.
I have always been vocal about being pro-choice. I won’t deny it. I won’t judge a woman for making the hard decision after she finds out the baby won’t survive. I won’t judge a woman for not wanting to carry her rapist’s baby to term. I won’t judge a woman that just doesn’t want to give up her own body for something she doesn’t want or isn’t ready for. No judgment. Period. Do I hope for adoption? Yes. But will that always happen? Let’s ask the kids that have been in the system for 12 years. Or the crowded homes for kids that were brought into this world and are growing up feeling unloved because no one will take them in. I always wish abortion could be the last thing on the list, but that is not always going to be an option and I have no say in what another woman decides. Her body, her choice.
Talking about this has always been a sore spot for me. I was told at a young age that I wouldn’t be able to have children due to a medical condition. A little over ten years later I brought my second child into the world. But she was a rainbow baby. A baby that came after a painful miscarriage. A pregnancy that was announced to our friends and family a few weeks before the 12 week mark because I was excited and everyone I knew seemed to be expecting around the same time. I posted sweet pictures that highlighted my son becoming a big brother just days before I would sit in my bathroom crying, phoning my doctor because I was cramping and bleeding and something didn’t feel right.
I sat in a dark hallway in the ER waiting for the ultrasound tech, alone. The probe was painful because she couldn’t do a normal ultrasound since I was only nine weeks in. She suggested maybe my baby was just a little behind and maybe I was only at six weeks. I watched a dull flicker of the baby’s heart and assumed all was well. I followed up with my doctor two days later and miscarried on the exam table. I went in for another ultrasound to verify what happened and watched what was once my baby nearly disappear. “I’m sorry, Chrystal. This will take a few days. Is there someone we can call? Take all the time you need in here and I’ll be back in with a few prescriptions for you.”
I quietly removed the photos from Facebook and turned my phone off, not telling a soul for a few days. I took the rest of the day off and cried. That day turned into a week and I just cried.
There was another time that I went to the doctor because I had some severe cramps. The doctor wanted to make sure my implanted birth control was where it should be and hadn’t shifted or impaled me. “Chrystal, I’m sorry but I have bad news. There is an embryo attached to your Fallopian tube. This pregnancy can cause severe damage to you or even cause death.” A choice had to be made, and while the pregnancy wasn’t viable, wasn’t expected and was life-threatening, it was devastating. I was prescribed medicine to help. I wiped away tears as I looked at the little image on the screen. I asked for a print out of the image to hold onto for closure. I was prescribed medicine and everything was gone two days later.
So to say that women are fine with just going in at 38 weeks pregnant and deciding to end their baby’s life because they changed their mind is wrong. While two children are plenty for me, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want the other two that I lost. What is going on right now is scary and it is dangerous.
But, as strange as this cycle has been, that story about what the President said has been pushed out of the news cycle and replaced with stories from Ohio, Georgia, Alabama, Missouri, and other states rumored to be on deck. Ohio is considering an abortion bill that is more restrictive than the heartbeat bill. However, Legislator Becker might need to do some extensive research as he claims you can simply move an ectopic pregnancy and implant the baby in the uterus. Spoiler alert: THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t you think all the women that have tried and failed to keep a healthy pregnancy due to a ectopic pregnancy would love to just implant the embryo? According to Dr. Daniel Grossman, 1-3% of pregnancies are ectopic, meaning about 2,000 women in Ohio have an ectopic pregnancy per year.
Not to be outdone, Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp signed a “fetal heartbeat” bill outlawing abortion after six weeks (right around the time most women are realizing their cycle is late and possibly taking a test.) Or, if you’re like me, sometimes it’s just not on track due to stress or maybe that’s just the norm for others. This criminalizes women that seek treatment in other states — up to life in prison and the death penalty. Yes, death penalty for a woman seeking control over her own body. And if you miscarry? You’re subject to investigation if it seems as though you miscarried due to your own conduct. The punishment? You’re liable to second-degree murder (10-30 years). If you’re helping your friend seek out of state treatment? Conspiracy to commit murder.
In Alabama, it doesn’t matter if you are an 11 year-old girl that was raped by her father and impregnated. (And it happens. Look at the Ohio case.) Rape and incest have been ruled out as reasons to terminate a pregnancy. The rapist will likely not serve a single day but the doctor can serve up to 99 years for going through with the abortion. If the 25 middle aged to old white men that put the bill together didn’t sting enough, a 74 year-old white woman signed the bill. What happened to women supporting women?
So ladies, get your red shawls ready. If we don’t do anything to stop this we’ll be living in Gilead, formally known the land of the free.
This is our choice. Don’t believe in abortions? Don’t get one. If you’re a guy that is reading this and you care about women at all — speak up. We need an army. But your silence is complicit. Want to break this cycle? Vote at every election you can, especially local elections. Vote for women despite their race, background, religion or the contents of their inbox. Believe women. Give them a seat at the table, especially when it involves issues only they can relate to.
And ladies, don’t ban sex if it is something you enjoy too. That’s actually giving men more power and control over you.
At the end of the day, I just want the government to stay out of my uterus and give me back control of my body.
Want to do more? Donate!
Alabama specific: Yellowhammer Fund
Continued: ACLU of Alabama
Southern regions: ARC Southeast
States on deck: Planned Parenthood of Indiana and Kentucky
Or donate to some of the female candidates that have spoken out about the topic. Or maybe send some vitamins to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. We’re going to need her.
