The holiday season is here. I’d say finally, but I often end up dreading it. My life seems to be full of curveballs and the holidays amplify the stress from said curveballs.
The year before my divorce was finalized was probably the most difficult one in a long time. I was seeing someone new and I hadn’t made that relationship public knowledge just yet because I was still being berated about not “staying together for the kids” and “making the biggest mistake of my life” or just flat out “being selfish.” All while dealing with some incredibly personal health issues that I have no desire talking about in great detail. (I know, I brought it up here but I’m being vague. It’s hard, okay?)
The year before was the last Christmas my ex had attended and the year I drank an entire bottle of chardonnay and cried in the bathroom because keeping up some charade when you’re dealing with some pretty severe depression and faking some happy family BS is hard.
Last year was the last Christmas with my grandma and I think everyone knew that. Tensions were high and it felt like the foundation was crumbling. This year will be the first Christmas without her. Yesterday was the first Thanksgiving without her. I tried not to think of that at all while I was driving to my family’s house.
My family Thanksgiving is always a hot mess. I say that lovingly. My grandparents have seven children and all but two went on to have their own kids. Those kids are now getting married and out of the grandkids, I provided them with two great-grandkids. No one seems to miss Thanksgiving, probably because we schedule it for the Sunday before. We all cram into small houses and seem to split up between three rooms. It will always be loud, overwhelming (especially the first time you bring a significant other), and you often can’t walk through the kitchen without being in someone’s way. Everyone brings something to share and you load up your paper plate and try to find a seat near someone you want to eat with. Rolls decorate every table and seem to stay there throughout the evening as we all gather around in one room to play (or watch) whatever game is big that year. Usually Cards Against Humanity. Somehow that will come out at nearly every family gathering.
The last two years I’ve been to my in-laws on Thanksgiving Day. It is the exact opposite of my side. That day consists of driving out to the suburbs with the dessert I baked the night before and sitting around a table with only Billy and his parents. We talk, I help my mother in-law cook a little, we eat a nice dinner and clear the table for dessert. Not once in my life have I ever been to something so small and quiet.
But with that, I still have to find time to take care of myself. Sometimes that means leaving early. Sometimes that means getting a large order of fries at the bowling alley (our Christmas family tradition) and not sharing. My favorite self-care treatment is drinking and baking the day before. This started three years ago and is what I look forward to the most. My staples are a pre-heated oven, a bottle of wine, loud and annoying music, and Billy. I don’t know if anything can beat 2016 though. Billy didn’t own a can opener and I didn’t think to bring one. Instead of freezing our butts off by walking to Target, Billy looked up how to open a can without a can opener. I giggled as he tried (and eventually) opened the can of pumpkin with a spoon. You better believe he got one in his stocking that Christmas.
It might be stressful and crazy, but I would never trade it in. I love my group of weirdos family.
I know every experience is different. Some families don’t get along at all. Someone might have a massive family, someone might be with only a few, someone might be alone. Getting through it can be hard, especially without self-care. I urge everyone to step back and do something for your own mental health this year. Walk away from a bad conversation if you need to. Step outside, pet the family dog, eat that extra piece of pie. Just take care of yourself.
Also: Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Don’t @ me.
Group of weirdos?! Of course Die-hard is a Christmas movie!