I was seven years old the first time I was assaulted. A boy put his hands up my jumper during recess. I remember him telling me not to tell anyone because he would be grounded from TV. I knew how upset I would be if I was grounded from my coveted after-school TV time. A week without Power Rangers was unimaginable to my innocent mind. I never said a word.
That boy was older than me and continued on with his day as if nothing happened. I was humiliated. I asked my teacher if I could go inside and use the restroom because I felt gross. I stayed there until recess was over.
Years later I wondered how many other girls heard that line. “Don’t tell anyone. I’ll be grounded from TV.”
Fast forward to middle school, walking with my brother on the way home from school. Guys will stop and stare. Yell from their car. Why? Because I’m wearing a skirt from my Catholic school. That’s some sick fetish for people. A seventh grader is being cat-called walking home from school. I wish I could say it got easier but it never did. I stopped feeling comfortable in my skin. I didn’t want to wear tank tops even if it was 90 degrees. I started wearing pants all the time and didn’t want to show my body to anyone.
I got labeled “easy” in high school because of who I was dating at the time. I was not easy. I was a teenage girl that liked a guy. I was still capable of saying no and controlling my own body. But that didn’t matter. I was dating someone and I dressed like a “freak” and wore a lot of eyeliner. I must be easy, right?
I’ve dated a few people that didn’t care for boundaries. One guy told me that no one would believe me because he is a good guy. I was lucky to have him because I’m not pretty enough for any other guy to ever want me. I stayed because I truly believed that. My friends were all way prettier and I was just some awkward girl that would never be pretty enough. I would never find someone that loved me for me. (You were way wrong, asshole.)
I spent too much of my teen years and early 20’s being harassed, abused, assaulted, and depressed. I’m here to reclaim my body, mind, and spirit. I’m allowed to feel pretty, loved and desired. I’m allowed to have control over my body. I will never be with someone who doesn’t believe that. I deserved better. You deserve better. Everyone deserves to feel beautiful, loved, believed, and have control. Reclaim yourself. Call out those who hurt you. You deserve some inner peace.
No one ever wants to believe the victim. But I believe you and I will stand up for you. It’s time to stand up for each other and bring those people who once had all the power down. They have no power over you and need to pay for what they did.
Teach your children about consent and that it is not okay to touch or be touched like that. Open your line of communication with them. We need to stop this from happening globally because no one deserves to live through it, but it starts locally.
I know news fatigue is a real thing and someone new is being accused every single day. Hell, someone that has been accused 16 times became President. I’m sorry that you’re reliving it now. But I’m here to make sure you don’t feel alone.
Peace & Love
-C