Most days I feel like the worst mom ever.
I have days where the best I can do is make peanut butter and jelly for dinner. Sometimes I forget about school work or papers that need signed. This week I forgot about the book fair. There are mornings that Addy’s hair isn’t brushed or they didn’t brush their teeth. I’m guilty of letting them FaceTime or play on their tablets just so I can have five minutes of peace. Or five minutes to cry in my bathroom because I’m so overwhelmed.
I am far from perfect.
But there are days where I make a home cooked meals from scratch. I allow them to help bake cookies. We cuddle up and watch movies, eat popcorn and laugh the night away. I even go outside and help Hayden practice baseball while making a total ass out of myself. We have so many good days and happy memories. We try to explore as many places and new cities as possible. In the last year we’ve been to Chicago, Cincinnati, Louisville, tons of museums, zoos, festivals, and potentially planning on Michigan for hockey history before the Joe is gone.
My depression and anxiety don’t always allow me to see all that I do for them. My chronic pain and migraines keep me from playing on the floor for hours. My exhaustion keeps me from always making a healthy dinner. I get so worried that I’m not providing them with everything they need. Then I deal with some people who seem to think I’m a bad mom for taking my kids away from their home. Because staying in a miserable marriage is good for kids? Spoiler alert: It’s not. They still live a fairly normal life with plenty of time with both parents. They won’t be screwed up kids. Instead they will see both parents thriving and (hopefully) co-parenting and respecting each other. They will see their mom very happy with someone who adores them as if they were his own.
That’s the best I can do. It might not be good enough for some. I might struggle some days. But at the end of the day, my kids are happy, healthy, well fed and have everything they need and most of what they want. It may not be ideal for everyone but I’m doing the best I can.
