Life is funny sometimes. One moment you can be blissfully unaware of what’s going on. The next moment you can be crushed, feeling alone, and wishing things could be different.
Last week made me realize that it’s okay to grieve over things out of my control. I had a lot of moments that were out my control. I cried a lot. I felt alone, and knew there were only a select few people I could actually talk to. I managed to get through Christmas even though I felt like a part of me died the day before, and I knew the day after would be hell.
My ex decided to reclaim his house over the weekend. Five minutes in and there were already arguments. I gave up and left. I had a bag packed for wherever I ended up.
I was able to go see the one person that knows how to make me smile without even realizing it. We were both grumpy going in, yet by the time I left I felt refreshed. My stomach hurt from laughing so much, and my heart was full of love. Cheesy, I know. But that’s just what he does to me.
So I feel better. I’m looking forward to ending this crazy year. I feel like things are starting to come together. I look forward to starting my year with someone I love. Then soon after, taking the little ones and starting over. I’m doing everything I can to make them comfortable and happy. My only hope for the new year is happiness. I have no doubt that it will happen. A new life with my two beautiful children, freedom from what kept me so miserable for so long, and someone who makes me ridiculously happy all the time. I think it’s going to be wonderful.